How to Build Self-Trust

There's a common misunderstanding I notice when it comes to how to build self-trust, where we get this idea that we need to build up trust in ourselves before we take action on something.

But that keeps us stuck forever, because how can you trust yourself without any evidence that you can indeed trust yourself?

I've noticed this repeatedly in my own journey, where my past selves, nervous system, and body have ample evidence of why I should not trust myself because of the ways I've treated myself or memories of how things have gone down in the past.

But that's where saying "oh, I just need to build up more self-trust first" would keep me in a never-ending loop.

Because truth is, when you don't trust yourself - you don't trust yourself. Sort of obvious, I know. Same as if you've just met a new person or even someone you've known who's hurt you in the past.

So how do you build trust with that person? Not by declaring "I now trust this person, even though I have ton of evidence why I shouldn't and very little why it's a good idea!" Right?

Instead, you take it one step at a time. You spend more time with them, set more boundaries. You don't open up fully and let them in without a second thought.

And gradually, if they start giving you more evidence why they can indeed be trusted - your trust starts to build.

It's the same way when we're building self-trust. We need to find permission and acceptance in the fact that right now, maybe you don't trust yourself (to say no, set boundaries, go to sleep earlier...) and that's okay.

Taking the action even while you're not feeling self-trusting is the only way to get there. And that's what we're exploring in this episode.

Listen now