Hey, I’m Antonie (An-too-nee-eh)

I grew up with toxic family dynamics and a world that celebrated achievement above all else, where doing what “kept the peace” was more important than living your truth. Despite being the good girl who followed the rules, I always dreamt of making an impact and living with more creativity, passion, aliveness…

After years of burnout, over-achieving, and feeling disconnected from the real me I started doing the work of healing and re-discovering myself. But even then, I found myself stuck in self-doubt, focusing on what I “should” do, and performing more than I was actually living. 

Turns out, the experts don’t know your truth the way you do. And it’s only when we begin not only knowing who we are, but actually owning it, living it, expressing it, loving it, feeling excited by it… that we shift from performing and achieving to living and feeling the way we’ve always wanted. 

Because doing the work to still only live a life that looks good on paper but feels empty, lonely, depleting, boring… is not what we signed up for.

​​​​One day, I had experienced crashing into the same wall over and over again. But I was constantly trying to improve, learn new tips and strategies, and make things better. For a while, I’d feel hopeful, thinking “this makes sense, it’s going to work.” And it did, for a bit. Until I hit the same wall again, and again…

​​​​

I found myself at a place in life where I was trying to move forward, but I kept being pulled back by something that had been weighing on me and hindering me for so long. And when I didn't just look at “what am I feeling and dealing with right now,” but I actually looked back and asked “how long have I been dealing with this?” “How long has this been holding me back from doing what I really want and from being who I really am?” That’s when it became so clear to me that I had been dealing with this same struggle for years.

​​​​

When I had this moment of raw honesty with myself, it became abundantly clear to me: Unless I healed, and dissolved this big blockage that was blocking my path forward, there was no way I’d ever move forward. No matter what else I’d like to do, this will keep preventing me from fully investing time and energy into anything else. So I made a choice. 

​​​​

I decided “this needs to heal. This is my number one priority in life. This comes above all else, and will eventually unlock everything else.” Ever since that moment, I just kept making choices knowing that was my number one priority, even though I was filled with self-doubt, feeling lost, burnt out, and insecure about the next steps.

​​​​

Even though the "how" has evolved and expanded in so many ways, that choice is what I feel like has kept moving me forward and allowed me to own who I really am and what I'm here to express, be, serve, create, and lead in this lifetime. That choice is what keeps me moving forward to dissolve other blockages that come up. Because I keep making the choice to live in alignment, heal what's really holding me back, and dissolve the things that prevent me from living the life I want to live. 

​​​​

Instead of treating the symptoms of the problem, I’ve learned to be brave enough to face the problem head-on. Even when it’s messy, imperfect, slow, and unclear… I just keep taking one step at a time in the energy of having made that choice to heal. 

​​​​

You know what I’ve found in that messy, imperfect, often unclear middle of growth and becoming? Meaning. Depth. Excitement. Peace. Aliveness. Joy. Empowerment. So here’s my question for you: If it doesn’t bring you meaning - the goal, achievement, job, business, relationship… what’s the point of having the perfect plan, achieving the milestone, getting the success? 

​

Here’s the thing: I don't believe the universe would create you with a dream, a mission, or a purpose if it wasn't meaningful for the "greater good" as well. It's not just about something being meaningful for you (even though you absolutely deserve to live with meaning!). It's that the vision, the power, the possibility that you were given was given to you for a reason. Some existence out there wanted you to enter the world at the time you did with the potential you hold for a reason.

So when we live in alignment with our values, purpose, desires, skills, I believe we automatically align with how we can serve others too. We serve a greater purpose simply by being.